Beating the blues by fleeing London, swimming in the sea, becoming the face of ‘perma singles’ etc

A catch up and some lolz

Feb 04, 2024

How has 2024 been for you so far? Was January the usual interminable slog or did it pass in the blink of an eye? It was something in the middle for me - not pure unadulterated delight but a hell of a lot better than I thought it would be.

I’ve been absent from Substack for a couple of weeks - partly because work was quite busy which was a relief, so much nicer to feel in the mix of things than at a loose end - so this post is going to be a catch up.

I think I’ve cracked how to get through the usually grim first month of the year - get out of London (or whatever city or town you call home) as much as possible. I went away for three weekends on the trot and it made the month so much more fun.

First off, I fled the capital for a weekend in the New Forest with my goddaughter and her mother (a dear friend) and some other pals. We swam in the sea. Yes! The freezing cold North Sea in January. I’m rather intrigued by cold-water swimming and its mind boosting benefits (I know I’m about two years late to this party). It was excruciating - bringing to mind that bit from Titanic where Jack tells Rose the water feels like a thousand knives stabbing you all over your body - and I did spend a lot of time mewling in the car afterwards worrying that I had frostbite, but I also felt very alert with a clear head and - I think? perhaps? - cheerful. Oh, and if you are going to go in the sea, get a pair of rubber swimming shoes off Amazon - they are a game changer! Honestly, picking your way out of the blisteringly cold water is hard enough without a stony shore shredding your delicate little feet.

Next I went up to Leek in Staffordshire for my darling friend Jennie’s 40th birthday bash with a whole gang of us taking over a luxe vicarage (the bathroom had a stand-alone copper tub with two big armchairs - I think armchairs in a bathroom is the height of luxury). I rampaged around the very good secondhand shops of Leek and came home with a coat, a clock and a painting (none of which I had any business buying thanks to my quite appalling bank balance but, hey, I was helping out the local economy, ok?). We played a murder mystery - the kind where an actor arrives as the detective to announce there's been a murderer and you all have a character and have to work out who did it. It was very fun and I wonder whether it’s a ‘thing’ to celebrate your 40th with a murder mystery? I have heard of other people doing it. Anyway we all - most of us Londoners - decreed at the end of the weekend, in a patronisingly surprised way, that we would like to move to Leek. Also, what a fantastic name for a town. Leek.

A bathroom with a copper tub, armchairs and a chandelier? Count me in

Finally, I padded to my parents in Suffolk for a weekend of lounging around and creature comforts and, supposedly, working on my tax return which I then learnt wasn’t due for another year.

It was also this weekend that I appeared on the front page of The Times as a ‘perma single’... eek!

Let me explain… A writer and editor at The Times who I really rate sent me a very diplomatic email in the new year explaining that she was writing a piece about 'perma singles' - people who are long-term single - and that she had thought of me (gulp) and wondered if I would be up for speaking to her for the piece. Something a friend had recently said ran through my head as I read the email - 'Do the favour because you never know when it'll come back to you' - so I said yes - plus, for better or worse, I most definitely am a perma single.

The interview was a chat on the phone which all went well and then, at the end, she said, 'We might use a picture of you'. At this point, I did think: oh fuck. On Thursday I was scrolling through the Times app when I was confronted by a picture of myself that I loathe - from a shoot last year, dolled up and voluptuous, spilling out of my dress like some kind of Jessica Rabbit figure, perched on a chair wearing sky-high white stilettos that I could barely walk in. (I hate this picture so much that I refuse to put it on this Substack). I had somehow become the 'face' of the article and on Saturday, there I was on the front page (thank God in a different picture) next to the words: 'Hot, eligible and not dating - meet the perma singles'.

Now, there are way worse words to appear next to your face on the front page of a newspaper but argh. My sweet father, ever the supporter, said he was sure it was good for my career.

Anyhoo, I got several emails from other journalists congratulating me on ‘my story’ and I had to stiltedly point out that I hadn’t actually written it. I got asked out by some people keen, I assume, to challenge my perma single status and many LinkedIn requests - including from someone who is the CEO of a company called Lover.

And then this morning, I received another email from a (I am sure well meaning) man, who told me that, in the interests of my long-term happiness, I should find a good man in his 30s or 40s (not to go younger, as young men are immature) and ‘settle down’. As one of my friends puts it, this really is the article that keeps on giving. If you’d like to take a read, you can find it here. (paywall).

And now we are already in February - Lord, it frightens me how fast time goes - and I’m still stupidly optimistic about 2024. I hope you are too. I really do believe that mindless optimism is the only way to go in 2024.

Recommendations

Poor Things

My favourite piece that I wrote this month was about the film Poor Things and whether it's the feminist masterpiece everyone is saying it is (spoiler: it is not).

The Shakespeare In Love that could have been

I read Hits, Flops, And Other Illusions, Ed Zwick's memoir of his 40-something years as a director and producer in Hollywood for work this month. The absolute stand-out section was his failed attempt to get Shakespeare In Love made. He had secured Julia Roberts as the star and she apparently informed him that she always fell in love with her co-stars and that she was after Daniel Day Lewis for this project. She flounced around London trying to lure Day Lewis into the production and, in the meantime, snubbing all the English actors that Zwick had lined up for the role - among them Ralph Fiennes, Hugh Grant and Colin Firth - with the unanswerable criticism: they were not Daniel. In the end, Julia flips, quits the film, flies back to LA, leaving poor Zwick's passion project in ruins. Listen, I can't do justice to his hilarious description of the 23-year-old superstar with her whims and wide hazel eyes so I recommend you just read his account of the drama.

Scrub Daddy sponge

I am indeed recommending a sponge. I saw these all over my Instagram. After a harrowing day when water began to drip from my bathtub into the hallway below, I was so rattled that I needed to clean. Do you ever have that? Sometimes when everything is a mess and I feel so overwhelmed, I get the urge to spray, scrub and wipe. I ordered these off Amazon and they are just as brilliant as all the TikTok cleaning girlies say they are. And I like the smiley face! And really, isn't it wonderful when a product just works? When a product is just super efficient and functional and makes your life a little bit easier? Yes, the name is kinda weird.

And that is it from me, for this week. Sending you all love wherever you are as you read this and I'll see you next time.